honestly seeking- GOD

As many of you know my faith has been challenged over the past few months.... knowing there is a God but wondering if there are any people out there who really long to live in the realities he calls us to. Yesterday Maria posted about wanting to experience the theory of God and his realness, love, grace, and truth (or at least that's how I interpreted her post). I realized that so many times I have done just what she is talking about-- borrowing from the beliefs and experiences of God's truth and faith in other peoples lives cause it's not real to me in that moment. I think those are the things that have pulled my faith through in those times-- but so many times you want something real yourself. Last night after driving home from my interview with the family (which isn't going to work out) I heard a song that I have never heard before and it was like the prayer in my heart that I needed. So I sung it lound (as lound as my horse voice can go right now). Here are the lyrics.

Real To Me
(Nichole Nordeman)

Every time I try to find you
Every road comes back around
Just another hoop to jump through
Another mile of covered ground

I am weary of the answers
More theory and cliche�
They raise the letter of the law like a banner
'Til you're small and far away

All the questions in my head
Are from my heart instead

Be real to me now
That's all I'm asking
Be real to me now

Every scribe and every scholar
No winners in this debate
Everybody seems to stand up taller
When you're easy to explain

I don't need to know what I don't know
Just got to let it go

Be real to me now
That's all I'm asking
Be real somehow
More than anything
More than anything

So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
'Cause everybody's broken

It's not about the rules to me-- it's not about the text book answer-- it's about seeing God truthfully and vividly in my life. In my actions. In my relationships. In His presence. I know He's here-- I'm just asking for him to show himself in this time of wondering what next. What do I do with my life that will pay the bills and honor you? What do I do besides trust-- what's my role-- what direction should I be looking for a job? So many questions I know He has a plan I just want him to reveil it and himself to me in ways that will rebuild and repair my beleif in all things that come from Love, grace and truth.