Prayers please

As you all know I am part of an online community-- yes it's a scrapbooking community, but it is SOOOO MUCH MORE!! These women are amazing and pray for each other support & encourage each other and have really helped me in many ways see the perspective of what real life is (not just what it's perceived to be in Rochester).

Today I got on and found out that an amazing woman (who sometimes comments here) -Ashley's son had a seizer this weekend. I don't know much other than the fact that he stoped breathing for several minutes!! They have already lost a child and from what I only begin to imagine this is closer than they ever want to get again.

Here is a small pic of Ashley and Clayton. Please keep them and Brian (Ashley's Hubby) in your prayers!

The blessing is the stint that he has is still in place and was not harmed during the seizer- they think it was caused by a fever-- but don't know what is causing this to happen. They are at the hospital undergoing tests and will be there for sure through tomorrow!

Thanks for prayin-- I know you all are great with taking these concerns to the ONE who can do something about it!

ck

Blessed!

Great time with the family. Lots of laughs and of course fun with the girls. R and I (my brother and I) feel so blessed that we have all four of our grandparents still alive, still married, and still in good health- even traveling at times. It's such a blessing to be able to capture memories of them with K and E-- I hope that some day when R (hubby) and I have kids they will still be around. I took this picture this weekend. I am hoping to fix the shadows but the love and the emotion is this is great. K LOVED gramps- he taught her how to spit (rasberries) and she kept tryin and she got it-- it was hilarious.

Hope all of you have a great memorial day weekend!
ck

off to be with the family

My family is NEVER spontainuous... however this weekend we all are spontaniously going to Indiana for a big family get together. Most of my cousins will be there as well as all my aunts and uncles and my grandparents. I am so blessed to have all 4 of my grandparents alive. I am hoping to really capture some moments on film this weekend. :)

I am also hoping to sell some albums and services to my family. There is so much I can do with their stuff and it would be great fun & some money right now during this transition would be awesome. I have brochures done up- and Ryan was hoping to get the web site running... but he has been swamped this week-- it's mostly done he is waiting for some pics from me. :)

I am hoping to just enjoy myself & family. Take lots of pics. In case you are wondering I am traveling with my own food :)

what are you up to this weekend?

ck

no longer director of youth ministries

AND SOOOOOOO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!

SO I met tonight with ryan and Jeff and a member of the staff committee- The have been so nice while I have been sick- but we have decided that they need to get someone else. No surprise to me. I knew it needed to happen- Those kids deserve to have someone. I will be paid through the end of June and they are hiring someone else.

I have an amazing peace about this! I feel like God is just cheering and smiling and so happy for us. I feel nothing but freedom and joy- I feel like I have been in shackles and living in fear for so long that I am so relieved that this is what God's plan is. I really believe that he has something amazing in store. I can't wait!

ck

What a great day!!

Hey hey hey- What a great day! (ok that was really cheesy). BUT it was a great day. I got to see Chris & hear all about their trip to sri lanka this summer to build an orphanage for tsunami victums. It's so great to have friends that when you see them and you haven't talked you can pick up right where things left off.

I have an interview on Tuesday with a pt clinic in southfield. Pray that goes well.

Ryan just bought this book from the xian bookstore called "For Men Only" and it's all about how to figure women out. He is so cute-- he says- I got it cause i just want to show you i love you in the right times and the right ways. We have done the love languages - but this is more like an explanation of the fact that we really are more complex than just tell me you love me :) He is just so great.

:( sad part of the day is that I was hoping to talk to erin--- she has had a crazy week and Katie's wedding was last night and she called and left me a message that she met Ryan's twin.... I didn't even know he had a twin (neither did he) :) Anyway- erin I love you and hope we can talk tomorrow!

Have a great day friends. ck

I know I'm not a mom.... but....

Ok- I know I am not a mom- but I work with teens and in some ways I feel like a mom sometimes. It's my dream to be a mom someday and when they told me this fall that probably wouln't be possible I was crushed! Ever since I was little I did't want to play barbies-- only house. I played with dolls through 6th or 7th grade- It's always been something I admire in others and something I long for.

Just like many people pray for their spouses before they meet or get married-- I pray for my children too. I believe that one day in some way God is going to bless us with children of our own. I look forward to that day. Til then-- this is my prayer (I heard this song and started balling in the car) I am going to scrapbook a photo or my sister in law with my nieces and use these lyrics and give to her.

Here it is.
Find Your Wings
lyrics by Mark Harris

It’s only for a moment you were mine to hold.
The plans that heaven has for you will all too soon unfold.
So many different prayers I’ll pray for all that you might do.
But most of all I want to know that you’re walking in the truth.
And if I never told you I want you to know
That as I watch you grow…


I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings


May passion be the wind that leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong and guide you on your way
May there be many moments that make your life so sweet.
Oh but more than memories….


I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

It’s not living if you don’t reach for the sky.
I’ll have tears as you take off….
But I’ll cheer as you fly….

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings.

ck

one step closer

One step closer. Resume is done. I found some jobs at Oakland University that might work. I have to officailly tell someone that I don't think it's healthy-- and then I can go forward with this. There are far too many people in my church for me to try and do this incagnito-- and I think it's the right thing to do- they have been good to me since I have been sick and it's only fair to them that I am honest with them. That also alows me to network with some people.

I'm terrified of this new begining and yet hopefull that I will be able to be myself for the first time in a long time my job won't define me or consume me. This is a start to Ryan and I being able to get involved some place and grow together in faith!

ck

Happy mom's day!

This day isn't one I usually make a big deal out of --- but this year I am. I think for several different reasons.
1) as much as i gave my mom grief growing up-- she is awesome and I praise God for her
2) I celebrate all the mom's around me who are so amazing. They have an endless & often thankless, and underappreciated job.-- and they find joy in it.
3) I can't wait to take all that I have learned from so many women in my life and be a mom someday.

So thanks to all the moms who rock. you are an inspriation to your kids, and to others who long to be as loving and as patient as you are. YOU ALL ROCK!

ck

Just an all around bad day!

Ok- i guess it's not a complete wash... but I hate this diet-- I want bread adn cheese and condiments. Chris from AI went home! and well did I mention that I want bread and cheese?!

Going to bed-- tomorrow will be better


ck

Get er done!

I was on a roll yesterday. Check out all my new LO's. I got 13 done in the past 2 days! Wooo Whoo!! click here and you can see more http://www.scrapjazz.com/gallery/showgallery.php?cat=500&ppuser=27050

Love all those ladies on Scrapjazz. Today I am hoping to put together a resume. Do some job searches, post my resume, and work on some stuff for C3 studios (my dream company- which just keeps getting pushed back due to health). Today after I get some job stuff out of the way I am putting together my to-go portfolio. One that I can have in my purse that has samples of my work, prices, and info about the company. I'm hoping it will help me talk to peoeple about it more... granted that means I have to go places :) hahah! Anyway- I can dream and be ready when I do go places :)

I will post later with progress for the day!

ck

Got my groove on--- tough decisions---bad news--- all in one day!

Part 1: GOT MY GROOVE ON!!
Today I felt like crap-- so I thought maybe i should scrapbook since I haven't in a while. These are some of my fav. pics of Ryan and I! I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!! These are reminders to me of pre-sick (or not so sick) days. As long as I have known him I have struggled with some level of sickness- but for some reason when we were dating long distance it didn't carry as many symptoms. We were so good about taking pics then... I think cause we "did" stuff. Like went out!! Hopefully once I am better and we are involved somewhere we will snap many more photos! Love Ellie and Kara-- but can only scrap so many for the family.

Part 2: Gotta make some tough decisions.
Today I talked to Jeff (my sr.pastor) to tell him for sure that I would not be able to go on worktrip (our mission trip) & tell him that for right now since I don't know from day to day how I am going to feel I am not sure when I will be back to work-- but it's looking like at least a few more weeks. (probably after worktrip). Note: not sure why it hurt so much-- i think cause sometimes someone else saying the truth hurts more than you just wanting it for yourself.- does that make sense?
This is how the conversation went...
Ck- "I know there has been talk that I might be better by worktrip but I need you to know that is absolutly not a possibility- not with the state of my imune system, my diet , my health."

Jeff: " Oh I absolutly agree you need to work on getting better."

Ck- "Well that's the hard part- I don't know what the next step is"

Jeff: "well you need to look into long term disability throught the pention plan... but I don't think that's available to you the same way as it is for us. I think you need to be thinking long term though-- I don't think this is a healthy place for you to be. I feel a great sense of guilt about asking you to stay last spring when you resigned.... I feel that the stress and load that we have put on you has caused this to happen in your health. That was what you were trying to tell us last year and I didn't want you to go-- and for that I feel very guilty. (at this point I am crying cause he can't own that-- eventually i decided to stay thinking that God would make it work).

Ck- well I know. I think the stress has not helped me get better-- but being able to be away for this time has helped. And i really appreciate that.

Jeff:-- Well I don't have the answers to what your long term holds-- but I think you need to be thinking of if this is a place where you can stay healthy at. Until you decide that we will support you. Althought I don't know how long we can go without having someone working with the kids- but this time of year the focus is set and it's being taken care of. (he hears me sniffle and cry) and says I know that having a job change is a lot to think about in terms of lifestyle change in addition to all that is happening with your health.

Ck- Yea- but i know I need to take care of me and be healthy. And I have to make that decision.

we talked some more and he prayed-- then jokingly said he wouldn't bring me communion (since I can't have bread- haha)

Ryan says-- why was that so upsetting to you? That's what you want! I know but it's like breaking up with someone-- you might know it needs to happen but if they do it-- it sucks but if you do it at least you know you are the one who made the choice. Does that make sense?

Soooo- he told me to work on that while I worked on getting better. I just think it's still hard for me to accept his graciousness. That is not what I get from my actual boss there and Jeff is the real one who is honest-- and cares sooo much. He is the one who I don't want to let down, hurt, or leave hanging.=== but he knows what's best and so do I- it's just hard!

So- it's too the job boards I go!

Part 3: bad news--
Ryan's mom called in a panic (that's the only time she calls me- usually she calls ryan). Dan (ryan's dad) lost his job today. They downsized and out he and several others went. Ryan talked to his dad- who seems to be more optimistic- some of the guys seemed to maybe have some leads on consulting work for him. But they can't afford for him to be without a job. I tried to put a possitive spin on it for her- but as would be natural- she was in a bit of shock and really upset

Please pray for us as we go though these many transitions-- it's not just things that effect me but things that effect US! Thanks for reading! Sorry such a long post!

ck

Is this your final answer? I HOPE

Ok- so I know that game show so is not "in" anymore-- but I am soooo hoping that this is the final answer to me getting back to health!!

I got all the final results today and .....
I have the most severe case of candida. >1:5000 antibody titer (I don't know if that means anything to you nurses or not.
I am also allergic to: (drumroll please)
Alfalfa (as in the food not the little guy from little rascals)
Banannas
Cranberries
Eggs
Oats
Pumpkin
Walnuts
Wheat
Bakers Yeast
Brewers yeast (damn- no more beer)

Ok soooo this is good that it doesn't exclude dairy too but for the next few months at least I can't eat dairy cause of the candida. Let's just say I have tons of reading to do. I got a fancy packet (in a plastic binder and all) with 3 additional cd/dvd's) and a perscription to get me on my way back to health.

Some of you may be thinking ---- why is she sooo excited that she is sick? I am not excited to be sick--- just excited that I can officially be on my way to feeling better!

Praise God for technology, prayers, and mom's who thought this all along!!

ck

Tag --

Ah remember the childhood days of playin tag... I actually never liked tag cuase i couldn't run fast enough- then i got to be it-- and couldn't get anyone. MAN! But this game of tag I love! It is a great way to get to know people - well strange things about people! And Well i can pass it on quickly! Thanks for the tag kel!

Here goes What's in:

my fridge: BTW--- I really need to clean out my fridge- thanks for the motivation!

1. Milk - which needs to be thrown away

2. Bottles of water

3. Rasberry Iced Tea

4. Cheese cubes

5. Chicken for lunch (yay- I can eat that)

6. Homemade guacamole :) (yay- i can eat that)

7- Eggs

8- Lots of condiments that only i eat -- can't anymore.

My Closet:

I win on this one-- mine is pretty clean-- but that's cause we just did laundry yesterday!

1.Clothes (all on color coded plastic hangers - YAY!!- this drives my hubby crazy)

2. My old laptop that doesn't work

3. towels and sheets

4. SHOES!!

5. Jewelry (now that i type that - it's kind of a strange place to keep jewelry- oh well it works)

My purse:

1. my cell phone

2. my wallet

3. lipgloss

4. Crap for my face (which I don't have to use anymore HORRAY!!)

5. Calendar

6. Reciepts from the Dr's office

7. Camera (yes I always have it with me)

8. loose change

My car

1. Colectables that we are selling- have to take them to some specialty place (they have been in my trunk for a long time)

2. Sleeping bag and boots (don't ask- it's in my trunk-- I don't ever look in there)

3. The box from the bike rack ryan and i got.

4. My bike helment - no worries I am not biking anywhere rough. Ryan and I went for a 1mile ride the other day to get out.

5. Pop bottles to return

6. cell phone charger.

7. Lots of cd's I don't even know which ones (I ususally stick with the 6 in my player and rotate-- It's been a while since i drove-- have no idea whats in there right now)


My TiVo: Which i don't have but I can pretend
(OK- this will all be made up as if tivo could record stations you don't get- ryan and I don't have much tv any more cause we canceled cable and don't get real reception in our garden apt. - it's been funny)


1. What not to wear

2. CSI (all of them)

3. Makeover show.

MAN I MISS TLC!

So now I need to Tag 5 peeps,
Maria
Beth (SJ)
Nancyroo
Amy Louise
Molly Bridges

Go for it ladies!!
ck

Welcome back to my life!

I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it feels to even be slightly closer to "me" again. By that I mean my real self. After months of feeling like I was having an out of body experience I feel like we might be on the swing homeward. Still no final answers - but candida (a yeast infection in your colon) is what seems to be the root of all this-- the rash on my face, the weight gain, the headaches, the memory loss, the achyness, the confusion, the loss of energy, etc. The blood tests were run 2 weeks ago and we still don't have the results- but when I asked her about my face (red itchy rash all over my face , eyes, chin) that wasn't getting better - she said it seemed to be yeast. Kinda gross when you think about the traditional sense of a yeast infection- but she thinks it all linked..... she put me on meds- and while I am not feeling perfect-- I can tell I am begingin to feel better. The official results will be in this week. hopefully today or tomorrow.

What's this mean for my future--- I CAN"T EAT ANYTHING!! Ok-- that's an exageration-- but nothing containing wheat, yeast, dairy, or fruits and veggies that have high mold tendancies. Which really norrows it down-- no condiments to enhance those things left i can eat either. I guess when the blood work comes back i get an official diet since there are so mnay restrictions.

It will be interesting-- but if I know it will work I will be able to drive myself to stick to it! It's funny how something in what seems like one part of your body can take over your whole self. Today Beth (sj'er) gave us a new challenge-- who would you seek and what would you want to happen if you woke up with amnesia?

I know first and formost from the last few months that Ryan would be there every step of the way wanting to make it better. I would want him to tell me everything-- but I think he would stick to the good things-- then take a funny perspecitve on the rest. He would likely go to my scrapbooks-- he is so encouraging about my passions. He would tell me of my dreams. He would tell me of a great future God has planned for us. He would probably even tell me that he thinks I am crazy for falling in love with him. He would make sure I talked to Erin and Maria who would inform me of crazier days in my life. Then make sure I was surrounded by family and friends as I struggled to regain myself. It's such a foreign idea - amnesia- but as I type this I think it's crazy how similar Ryans actions would be to what he has been doing to care for me and love me over the past several weeks. I feel so blessed that he is who he is and would go to the hard times and the joyous times. It's exactly what i want- and need.

I am so blessed in many ways today- and hopeful that this is a stage of welcoming me back to my own life!

AHHHHH Spring!!

Beth (a fellow sjer) challenged us with a monday bloger challenge. Here it is..... Now that it's may spring is here (well not for you maria- this is the time when you wish you had spring-). But all of us have favorite spring memories. Things that remind you of spring or things that make you smile about past springs.

Here are mine (ok- they merge into summer too)

flip flops

birds churping

cool breezes

trees budding

fat albert lips (that's for you maria)

Biking (as in not motorize- well only by my two feet)

I remember the excitement of getting out of school / college and starting what seemed like a whole new chapter of life.--- ah the days.

The Yacht trip on Lake st. Clair. What fun!

Grand haven, MI

Walks at night.

ice cream (which i can't eat any more- booo whoo)

I am sure there are so many more but I am just so blessed to be able to look back and get excited about this spring and what it has in store. I don't know that this "next chapter" is as exciting but more unclear. But I know that God has a plan and I just have to be open to discovering and walking in it.

What are your signs of spring or favorite memories of the past springs?

ck