Sick, tired and turning very bitter about society!

Great start to a post huh!?

First off I had a great weekend with the girls (other than the allergy and lacking sleep part). Mothers of all children I respect you more than you know!

(insert cute picture here, but bloger is being dumb)

So goes my day! Having spent 3 days with 2 animals that I am allergic to apperently makes me sicker than I could have ever imagined. I am so congested and hacking up both my lungs, and sound like a man. Great for job searching. Hack, Hack! (do you sense the frustration)

I feel like since this hell of not having a job has started I have applied to probably 100 places... and only had 1 phone interview. Last week I tried to go to Kelly, and another temp place but due to traffic I didn't make it in time. So today I got all dressed up again and went out in search of a job (after applying for another 10 jobs or so online last night). I spend an hour driving aroud downtown looking for these places. The one can't exist-- the whole area is under new construction. And Kelly-- well who knows were that is either. After wanting to throw my hands up and go home I thought-- I know where manpower is (I have been avoiding them- since they screwed Ryan over in NC). So off I go-- it's PACKED!! I am the only one wearing a suit and nice clothes and have proper english. You would think this would encourage me since I might have a better chance of getting something. But overhearing that jobs start at 8 or $9 an hour (pre-taxes) doesn't excite me.

Here is my frustration--- I don't know why I went to college and waisted my parents money! So many jobs I am looking at make more than I did at church but only require some TV comercial schooling. I know more and more people who didn't get what I would say is considered a "real" education and make more than many who did. Not that I am saying you have to go to school. I just wish I smart enough to do something like that. I mean Ryan's cousin went to school for 1 1/2 years and makes 28+ dollars and hour. I spent 4 years in college and I am going to make 9!!! It makes me frustrated! I know no one said life was fair-- but Ryan and I try and do things right-- pay our bills, get health insurance, etc. Everyday Ryan sees people driving new SUV's, Porches who are on medicaid-- cause well they don't want to pay for insurance. And yet I can't collect unemployment cause I worked for a fricken church who fired me cause I was sick- cause of them!! And hopeing the kids would stick around and not hate the church I chose to "resign" so that they would be able to continue to grow in faith and not hate the people who don't care enough to care about the person who cares for them! WTH!!! Our world is soo screwed up. Jesus better either come back soon or give me some direction with the job thing!

Anyway-- if you are wondering... today is not a good day to ask about the job situation. Don't bug me about it-- I am looking, and I am just as frustrated as those of you who are helping us out!

Oh and by the way-- yea there are so many people looking for jobs that I can't get into have an interview to place me somewhere til next thursday Nov. 9. Hey, I guess me having proper english is a plus--- but they will all find jobs too. I don't want to be a CEO-- I just want to pay my own bills!

ck

GRRRR!!

News and Happenings

I don't really know where this week went. But it flew by. I know it's not over yet- but I leave tomorrow after watching the kids to go to Rochester for the weekend to watch my nieces while my Bro and sister-in-law go to a conference. Shoud be fun, tiring, and eventful all at the same time! A 3 yr old and 9 mo. - Oh the things that could happen! I am sure I will have pics (given the camera works)

I also get to see my dear friend Lynde who just got engaged to one of my HS friends! Crazy small world! Anyway, I am excited to chat with her and spend some time just taking life in together!

I am pretty excited. Per my last post with the shameless request for a camera. Many of you know I have been dreaming of the photography bussiness. Well, since I have awesome friends who talk me up to people they know... I will be busy on March 24th. (still waiting for the downpayment- yes, but last we spoke it was hopeful on both our parts). One of Erin's roomie's from college is getting married and asked me if I would shoot her wedding. Great! Yes! They want engagment pics too! I am also doing Lynde and Brads engagment pics! And Erin and Mark's Christmas cards! And possibly a baby shower. Can you believe it!!?? I know- God has really encouraged me this week with the photography thing. More on that later- when I know more!

Yesterday at Kelly/ temp places- well it didn't happen. Long story short, I was sick in the morning (no, I'm not preggo). Kinko's, what's that?. After a tour of GR trying to get my resume printed-- I finally got on the highway- only to sit in trafic for 40 min to go a mile! Yep, didn't so much make it to the downtown locations (as that is the only one that exhists).

SIGH!- I really check my email often and if God wanted to shoot me and email to make all this a whole lot easier-- I am sure it wouldn't go strait to junk mail. Really God, I promise! Ok, that's my shameless plea for some clear direction!

Hope you all have a great weekend. Be back to post sometime this weekend. And for sure when I come back with pictures! :)

ck

Great weekend

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!

The weekend flew by. It was great to see my parents and spend some time with them. They went to church with us on Sunday and loved it! :) YAY! We went on Saturday night and saw the movie "facing the giants" We loved it when we saw it and since Rochester hates God (ok, maybe not, but we kinda think so- since every other family member across the country can see it where they live, but not in Rochester) they can't see it there. They loved it. Thanks for coming guys!

This week is a slower week for me- which is good since my allergies and sinuses are kickin' my butt! But here is the lo down. Today I'm takin it easy. I am going to rest and try and get this sinus thing under raps. Tomorrow I babysit. Wednesday I am heading out to Kelly Services to (hopefully) have them plug me into a job. Praying God provides something there- cause he's certainly not opening doors in other places I've tried. Thursday and Friday I babysit again. Friday night I am going to Rochester and I have the girls for the weekend. WHen I say girls I mean my nieces- the cute ones that I love to take pictures of!! Yea-- here's to praying my camera works. - It died the other day- completely. Me withouth a camera- not a good mix. But I got it working again-- it just likes to stop working on a whim! UGH!!

Sooo Santa, or any other Christmas shoppers. If you would like to buy me a camera for Christmas I would love it! Praying I don't NEED it before then. Although I am not very optomistic about that. Here is the one I want! :) You can get it at costco :)

Canon Digital Rebel XT (or the XTi- it's got more megapixals- which means more cropping for me!). :) Both take fast shots and have the flexability of me expanding later with lenses and more! This would allow me to launch my photography passions into a bussiness. :) YAY! Sooo... here's to Christmas surprises! :)

ck

Happy birthday hun!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband Ryan!

I told him he has been on this earth for 29 years but only 3 years ago did I get to meet the wonderful gift God gave me when He created Ryan. (I can't believe it's been 3 years already, an the same time I feel like I have known him forever.)

I love this guy! He's fun, encouraging, playful, smart, loving, I could go on and on. Those of you who know me know what a blessing he has been especially in the 1 1/2 years we have been married. He didn't bargin (nor did I) for getting married to a woman who would battle a misterious illness for first year of marriage. This spring when there were so many unknowns (brian tumor, anuirism (sp), and other bizarre deseases) he was the rock that stood by me- loving me- not wishing to change a thing- except to make it better! Without him and my family I don't think I could have made it to discover what was wrong and how to go about on the journey to fix it. I love you honey! You are awesome and a true blessing and gift! I can't wait to see what forever has in store!

Which brings me to another update. When we found out I was sick-- it was a series of things that I was diagnosed with -- most of them (I know now) caused by stress and spiraling down to not taking care of me. In the course of the last year life has been tough. 2 months ago Ryan and I made the move to Grand Rapids. Without me having a job-- but we knew it was best for my health to get to a new place, a place where I could be me, we could be us! I still don't have a job (praying that God clues me in on what that plan is soon) but I have been taking care of me.
Since we moved here I have lost 22 lbs!! I am really proud of myself! I know how much better I feel when I have all my systems working right-- but it's taken 6 months to get to the point of getting my systems and my body back in gear.... working the way that God intenede-- not in survivor or stress riden mode which for me equals all systems shutting down and locking up- turning my body into a compost pile, for lack of a better discription!

So here's to having the best husband on earth-- and looking forward to celebrating many more birthdays! Here's to taking care of myself in ways that allow me to celebrate all that God made me to be (and that doesn't include a stressed out mess!). Here's to saving points for yummy cheesecake for Ry's b-day!

ck

Blog neglect again!

Ok- so I am thinking that once I get a real job I won't be so good at this blogger thing. Sorry I have been MIA.

Here the scoop. Been watching the kids some this week again. The grandparents are in town now so I have tomorrow off-- which is good cause I need to get a few things done before my family comes this weekend.

I hope everyone is having a great week. Talk to you on Sunday.

ck

The sound of Community

I would say that the word Community is something that is part of who I am. It's something that I long for. It's something that is ingrained in me, my heart, my way of life. It's about sharing together what life brings in real and honest ways. Many of you know that Ryan and I both struggled with the lack of this in Rochester. We are so pleased to be a part of this on a BIG scale at Mars Hill and we love it. Let me tell you a little about the Community I participated in this morning.

10,000 people come to Mars Hill on a Sunday (3 services). It's big. But it's personal-- I don't know that I can explain that as much as you just need to experience it. And this morning I got a glimpse of Heaven. You see mars is about being real. It's about living honestly before God- but also before others. Isn't that how authentic God would want us to be? Anyway... you can imagine that in a large church it's hard to get to know others, get connected. It's easy to slip in and out. Well, this morning was like nothing I have every experienced in a church-- let alone a big one. It was the heart of what Christ would want us to be doing. We had communion and Kent's sermon was about who Jesus ate with. Talking about how that was one of the biggest ways he broke down walls, classes, etc. Who we share a meal with is core to our living. We like to eat with like minded, or like lifestyle people. But he put a face on it today. He said-- we might be a mega church but look around-- these are real people. From different classes, different age groups, different backrounds. Some of them might have done things that you think are horrible. You might be holding a grudge against someone else in this room. God wants us to break it down and have communion with community. In stead of having communion with your spouse, friend, etc. Find someone you don't know, get to know their story- and ask to share communion together. If you have a grudge against someone-- go fix it! Usually when we have communion it's praise music being sung. But today there weren't words to a song-- but words of forgiveness, friendship, and grace being spoken. I said to Ryan as we were waiting -- it's usually so quiet and listen-- it's awesome. We met 3 people a girl who had only been 4 times to mars and she had brought 2 new friends with her. People all around were talking & sharing the bread and cup. It was the ultimate glimpse of heaven. No judgement just celebrating faith and life! It was awesome to sit and my seat and observe clear grudges that were being mended-- people hugging and praying together! Today I feel blessed to be in such a wonderful place!

I love Sunday's.

CONGRATS TO MY DEAR FRIENDS LYNDE AND BRAD ON THEIR ENGAGMENT!! You guys are great together!!

ck

I'm alive

Hey guys-- sorry to leave you out there for a few days. Blog neglect. This week is crazy- I am babysitting 40 hours. I am busy again and it's great. It's great to have structure to my day & know that when I come home I eat, workout, spend some time with Ryan when he gets home, get a good nights sleep. I'm taking care of me and it feels great, darn it!!

Still job searching. Looking into Kelly- since all other hopes have failed. I am enjoying babysitting. It just isn't payin the bills. Well on weeks like this I make what I made at St. Paul's. CRAZY. A whole lot less hours and a whole lot more enjoyable! But I need benefits, I need long term. So I continue my search. Feeling blessed that I am where I am right now & knowing that God will provide the rest!

So I am off to get dinner warmed up for Ryan (I already ate. It's part of taking care of me). Talk to you all soon!

ck

I'm Back from my fall fun!

It was a beautiful day- great to spend with friends new and old. Lots of laughs, good apples and I got a fresh squash too! YUM!

Here are the promised pics from our adventures today. The apples were huge! Delicious! Great fun! The sun was sooo bright (hard to take pics in- but I got these).

Erin & Christy

Christy & Kim- enjoying the delicious apples!

Erin-- the ultimate apple tester- are those really Fuji's or do they just look like them??-- yep, Fuji's they are! Thanks Erin your taste buds rock as much as you do!

I think this picture speaks so clearly to one of the biggest blessings in my life. My dear friend Erin. In this picture she is so intently listening with joy and the ears of friendship. That is how she lives. Walking lifes' path- side by side with friends. Listening. Enjoying the moment. Honoring friends with love, friendship, encouragment and prayers.
Thanks Erin. It's an honor to know you!

This is Christy and Kim- Since their family lives in CA- we thought we would take some pics and let the family know that all is well in the beautiful fall season!

Thanks for checkin in.
Hope you all had awesome fun days!

ck

Fall Fun

Ok-- so just cause Ryan is out working-- doesn't mean I'm missin out on the fun! (I wish you could come hun!) But it's a girls day we are going apple picking!! Wooo Whoo. I love fall festivites. It's me and Erin and Christy (a co-worker of Erin's) and Christy's sister. I am pumped. I will certainly have pics later. It's a beautiful day- 70 degrees, sunny- perfect! I am hoping to get a great pic of Erin and I cause well since I was sick for the past year we don't have a good pic of us since the wedding!!! I can't wait! (did I mention I am excited?)

Anyway- I'll be back later with some apples and some pics. (I can only share the pics- the apples are for me andRy)

ck

not really knowing how to feel right now.

I don't know what to feel right now. For the past week I have had an amazing peace about the job situation. Well... I didn't know what to think today when I got the letter in the mail saying I didn't get the Calvin job. At this point I figured that was the situation... but found myself feeling like I should be crushed, upset. But I didn't really. I just felt blah. Am I just getting numb to the let downs? Who knows.

I had the photo shoot with Shanna and Dave today. This also proved to be a humbling experience. I took tons of pics and ended up with only 9 ok shots. I was using Erin's camera (thanks girl), cause mine is broken... ugh. But I got over confident about what I could shoot and didn't take the time I should have, let alone I wasn't used to the camera speed/ shooting & forgot how fast you have to be with babies. Enough excuses. I didn't have my game on!


You can see sme more of their pics at http://ckphotography.blogspot.com/

no word- but look what I get to do tomorrow!

First off-- for those of you who are faithfully encouraging me. I still haven't heard anything. I got notice from GVSU today that I didn't get those jobs. God has something else planned. Right now I have a peace about it and I will keep looking and knowing that he will provide all that is necessary!

On a very fun note. Look at this cutie I get to take pics of tomorrow afternoon. This is Cheyenne and she is Daugher to Dave and Shanna & niece my dear friend Maria! I am taking some family pics of them & who can't resist capturing that cuteness. This pic was taken by Grandma, but I altered and cropped it! I will have many more to share after tomorrow! Thanks S&D!


Grr-- for some reason I no longer have the option to add pics. HMMM! Well I will figure that out before tomorrow!

ck

Persistance and Faith

Life hasn't exactly given me rosses lately- but I am learning to not just trust- but rely on God. I don't know if that makes any sense as some people maybe don't see a difference in those two words. Let me explain some of my ah-ha's for the weekend.

Friday night I hung out with Erin and Ryan and played games and just enjoyed the company of friendship. Saturday, after Ryan came home from work we went on a "date". Ok well it was really part of Ryan's promotional stuff for "milkmoney promotions". But we got to go see the movie "Facing the Giants" AMAZING, POWERFUL, everything I needed to be reminded of right now! If you click on the title you can see the trailer. But it's about a football coach who has a losing team that wants him fired, a wife who can't get prenant, a car that doesn't work, etc. But then he seeks God he discovers his focus is wrong. Fear has gotten the best of him and he needs to rely on God to make it happen. My favorite part is when he says to the guys in the locker room (yes, it's a football movie) "what is the purpose of this team" "To win ball games" says one of the players. "winning ball games is much to small of something to live for- we need to give God our best". That's just it. Having a job, working, even being a friend is much too small of a thing to live for. Life can't be about my title. It can't be about what I look like, where I live, or what's in my bank account. Yes, we need to have those things in order... but REGARDLESS of all that-- I need to give God my best. I can do that in whatever I am doing. And I will praise him if I win and praise him if I lose. I will praise him if I feel like I deserve it and praise him when I don't. At one point in the movie after the team starts doing well-- they lose a big game. And coach says- I thought God would give us at least that one game. HA! Isn't that so true-- when God gives us so much and yet we still want more. I need to praise Him and not just trust that he has a plan- but Rely on Him with a joyous hope for what he has.

Then (Sandy you will love this) Sunday Rob talked about "Be still and know that I am God". HAHA!! Yea, I've been working at being still. And I have come along way in this both physically and mentally. But God is not done with me (and won't be for a long time). But Rob talked about- how things that are rituals (communion- as it was communion Sunday) aren't for God. They are for us. They are reminders to us that God is there, among us, saving us, loving us. It again just challenged me that I need to not just trust but rely- and that requires me to set all FEAR aside. Fear that I won't get a job, fear that I am not enough, fear that we can't pay the bills, Fear of any kind. I know he is there. I know he desires to give me a great life. I know that he has a great plan for me. I just have to rely on that- live with that truth in my actions & and know that He will bring it to full glory! That doesn't mean living in comfort. It means being provided for. And that in deed God has done.

Ok- sorry for that deep thought and lengthy entry. It's what's been on my heart. Please go see that movie- at the very least watch the trailer. It's awesome. I know that no matter what stage of life you are in you will be encouraged by it.

I hope you had a great weekend.
ck