MIA - seems to be the story of my blog

One would think- that is good cause that means I have been busy... which in deed I have been! But the biggest thing I am most excited about at this point is that my friend MARIA is coming into town this weekend and will be here through Tuesday!!! You have no idea how excited this makes me- I haven't seen her since Christmas and well-- she rocks and I wish she still lived here.

In other news- I have a new obsession with Facebook--- I have been tracking down kids who used to be in my youth group (who are either getting married or are married- LOTS OF THEM) It's been great to catch up with them. It has also been great to catch up with some High school friends who I have kind of drifted from (my fault). It's great to reconnect. Love it!

Hope all is well in your world. L&B's wedding is less than a week away and I am excited to get pampered and pretty! :)
ck

The countdown

The countdown begins. I am in my dear friends Lynde and Brad's wedding in two weeks. I got to see Lynde this weekend and was reminded of how much I miss her. Lots of laughs had by all!

I haven't been in a wedding in forever (well besides my own). I am pretty excited to share in their special day. Brad is a friend from HS and Lynde I met later in life and then their paths happen to cross. Small world I guess.

I am especially looking forward to Thursday before the wedding we are spending the day at the spa and then the night at the Royal Park Hotel!! Wooo Whoo! I am sure I will have many pictures to share.

I also got to see my nieces this weekend. Oh how I miss them.
More later. Gotta work on some invites for a party and do some ordering.
Hope all is well. I need to catch up with everyones blogs and find out what's going on!
ck

Normal? What's that?

Thanks for all the comments and emails. I am doing better. I have good days and bad. I am trying to eliminate all external negatives and go from there. This means trying to manage my time better. (easier said than done). Between working out and planning meals (which I did occasionally did before) as well as photography stuff I am keeping busy and trying not to make excuses for myself. More than time consuming it's emotionally consuming. It's wishing I could just have whatever I want to eat (that's been going on for a year or so). It's wishing I could have immediate gratification (which I am really bad at waiting for). It's wishing sometimes that I could just be "normal".

Sunday at church was good. I always forget how much I hate missing a week or how refreshing it is til I am there. The message was about washing dishes. Well not really it was about Jesus telling the people that you can wash the outside of the cup but if the inside isn't clean the outside will never be clean. Rob did a great job of explaining that if you have the look and everything else right that's great, but unless you have the inside clean you won't be happy. He talked about how that's the opposite of our society. "They" say that we can have it all put together on the outside- buy our happiness- put it all together- and don't talk about the inside- don't deal with your issues. But Christ says that it's been taken care of . He has cleaned whatever we have that is making us "dirty" on the inside. God wants our outside and inside to be unified. He wants us to have a unified life. He wants our inside and outside to be great. And until we deal with the inside the outside will never seem good enough. Because of Christ-- we have the opportunity to have a unified life- for him we are all good enough. (I pretty much just butchered the sermon- but you can get it here if you want to hear a much better version here go to teachings and click download mp3).

So for today. I am working on accepting what God has made me and working on cleaning the inside of the cup.
ck

a peaceful night.

Sometimes peace comes over you and you can't explain it. Maybe I am ignoring reality. Maybe I am too optimistic. Maybe God had surrounded me by people who love and pray for me when I need it the most. Maybe it's all of these things. But tonight I have a sense of peace- regardless of the reason.

I am editing pics from my sessions this weekend and came across this from the sunset. I love it- to me it's peaceful. For some reason the outline of a tree has always been something beautiful and amazing to me. Maybe cause somehow it captures the intricacies of a God who is more amazing and intense than I can imagine. Tonight that is where I am trying to find my hope.
ck

Dr. Pam you rocked my world....and my life boat

WARNING: This will be a long post.

So I had a Dr. apt today and this new Dr. rocks... in both senses of the word. Let me explain. I made an apt to see her a couple weeks ago cause I was having a lot of pain. So I go in early today and fill out paperwork. I get called back there almost immediately... nice nurse. Dr. Pam cames in after just a few minutes. She talked / listened to me for 40 MINUTES!!! That is unheard of now days. I could see if she was running lots of tests or what not, but no, she was just listening to me. She looked over some tests that I had run a couple weeks ago and talked to me about further investigation.

It rocked that she was willing to listen, refer, and give insight.

Her insight rocked my world in a different way. In a bad way. When I was in pain a couple weeks ago I went to ER to have them investigate the possibility of a large ovarian cyst. Many of you know that about a year and 1/2 ago I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). This put a slight damper on the possibility of me having children. The possibility was much slimmer and much more difficult. When we found out about all my allergies we thought that maybe the PCOS wouldn't be as big of a deal once I got the allergies worked out- maybe my hormones would work themselves out as well. That was my hope & prayer. I have and always will want children of my own.

However, when I had these tests run the told me I don't have ANY cysts. I asked for clarification.... none at all? Nope. SOOOOO, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS MY DEAL!!?? Only to find out today that I likely have endometriosis. I have to follow up with another Dr. and have a Laparoscopy.

Right now my heart is heavy. My eyes are filled with tears and I worry about not being able to bring a beautiful baby into the world. Ryan is super supportive, and hopeful. He admits that he doesn't understand the degree of disappointment I am feeling right now. While he wants kids-- it isn't his end all be all... and it has been one of the top things I want in life!

So your prayers are appreciated. Your story (if you have this and have kids) is appreciated. And if you have read this far--- THANKS!

Sometimes I realize that I miss things more than I realize

If you know me you know that I used to be a youth minister. Some of you know that I think about those High schoolers and college students more than I usually talk about. However there are several (as in more than I think I could list) things I don't miss at all about that job. What kept me there was those kids.
It was the passion for relationships is what drove me.
The passion to see kids come and be accepted.
For college kids to have a place to belong and grow in truth.
It was so much more than I can mutter up words.... it was God working in and through people.

While I miss it- I don't have a desire to go back. I wish I had more time to keep in touch with people & wish they all knew that I think of and miss them often.

Where did all these thoughts come from? Well this is how I spend my Sunday night...

I was doing a Senior picture session (click here to see more). K (in the pink) is a girl I work with. She is in college and the other people are seniors (only one of whom I was actually supposed to be shooting). But great ops for more business. :) Anyway, K asked if I would do her cousin's Sr pictures. I was more than delighted- as this is a sector I want to get into.

So it wasn't like youth group, but the signs of young adult hood; independence, eager zest for life and "what's next" were joyous reminders to me of why I love working with that age group. Life is so great then (even though you can't wait to get out of it). This group was fun (as you can see).

I appreciate God's little reminder of the many GREAT times I had with the kids I have worked with in my past. For those of you who read this... thanks!

ck

posting frenzy I guess

Just curious who "anonymous" is? Please state your name-- :)

ck

Check out new pics.

Ah yes- the header is fixed-- thanks to my super husband (aka- my IT department). Had a great shoot yesterday with a fun couple- there are a few "sneek peek" pictures on my photoblog. Click photo blog or go to the links on my side bar.

Have a senior session this evening. Looking forward to that. Catch you all later- I gotta do some laundry so I don't have to go to work naked (I think I just wouldn't go to work if that was really the case).

Have a great Sunday!
ck

Hmm-- mysterious disappearing header...

I will have to work on getting my header back up -- thanks girls.

ck

Header???

Can you tell me if the header picture of Ry and I comes up on your computer? It for some reason isn't showing up on mine and I don't know if it's gone all together- or just not loading on my computer- either way---strange.

ck

Brain Fart!

Ok-- so I love looking at photoblogs and getting ideas as well as just walking around and capturing pictures. I have so many "images" in my head that I can capture when I get with a couple... then blah- my brain farts and I seem to forget all of them. I still get good pics... the the more unique ones I have in my head all seem to slip away when I am working... hmmmm

Check the photo blog tomorrow for some cute ones from today. Hope all is well.

ck

Oh MY WORD- and Business crabin' & HELP

I am a slacking blogger!! I don't even know if anyone is reading this! Here is a list of what's been happening--(aka- my excuses for not blogging)

- finishing up some wedding stuff for couples- etc.
- Driving to St. Louis, MO
- Driving to Indianapolis, IN
- Working
- Spending time with my Husband
- Trying to balance my life

Ok-- now that I type it out it seems lame and like there is no excuse-- but it's my life and my blog-- so I guess I update when it happens (that sounds so snobby).

I am excited for this weekend causes I have an engagement session and my first HS senior session-- which should be way fun! Hoping to finish up an album-- and process some orders.

I sound so busy-- however I am kind of bummed that I put these specials together to try and boost business and I haven't gotten one bite! I get like 20ish hits a day (on my photo blog-which in reality really isn't many) from people looking for photographers-- and not one request for more info- or interested in squat! What am I missing-- what am I doing wrong?
If you were looking for a photographer- what would make you say wow!- I want to set up an apt? Maybe I am just thinking it should come faster than it is. Who knows.

Suggestions- thoughts- or your honest opinion would be much appreciated.
ck