An Awakening
So yesterday I did something different. I turned off the TV- I cranked the praise music- I danced I breathed deeply, I wept, I praised, I questioned, I did some seeking, I had a discovery.
In the midst of the past few years- I realized what one of the biggest sources for my depression has been. (THIS IS NOT A CLAIM FOR A PITTY PARTY- I"M JUST SHARING MY DISCOVERY). You see growing up I was always someone that people wanted to be around. People told me I was full of life. I was energetic, I was happy and in turn I had friends- people would invite me to things, I would have a lot on my plate. In college it was the same. Part of who I am is that I love to give- I have been an encrouager, a host, a creative push, and never with the motive of getting anything in return. (but I guess it came back naturally anyway) . Over the past few years I have poured myself into others. Wheither it be teenagers, peers, even myself. But I haven't felt that I was a part of somethign bigger that I didn't innitiate.
Before I offend my dearest most faithful friends let me explain. I have had family who wants to do something, or a friend who wants to go to coffee or catch up on life, but it's just us. If I want to be with a group of people I have to host it- put it together and then hope that people want to show up-- and over the past year or so-- people just havent' wanted to- or they have less and less. That's an indication to me that I am getting away from myself.
Then I started thinking about it. (this all started Maria from your blog about the oscar party- what fun!) I don't even know people around here who do fun stuff. Around here it's work work work-- no time for fun. I guess Ryan and Heidi do fun stuff a lot. But I have friends who live in less crazy speed places and that's what they do-- they are part of community. It's natural.
So-- I am still thinkin about this but I feel as though this was a big awakening. Ryan and I had a good discussion about it. We need to be part of a community- something that we can just be at-- not carry on our shoulders (which right now I feel everything I do I carry the whole thing- if it fails or succeeds it's on me.)
I praise God for this discovery. I am hoping for more reflective insight today. Thanks for your prayers. I love you all and PRAISE GOD FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT!! Jeff is coming over to bring me communion and have some prayer with me today. I just wish Ryan could be here too.
M- I will talk to you this weekend. E- I am callin you now. if you are working- call me tonight.
In the midst of the past few years- I realized what one of the biggest sources for my depression has been. (THIS IS NOT A CLAIM FOR A PITTY PARTY- I"M JUST SHARING MY DISCOVERY). You see growing up I was always someone that people wanted to be around. People told me I was full of life. I was energetic, I was happy and in turn I had friends- people would invite me to things, I would have a lot on my plate. In college it was the same. Part of who I am is that I love to give- I have been an encrouager, a host, a creative push, and never with the motive of getting anything in return. (but I guess it came back naturally anyway) . Over the past few years I have poured myself into others. Wheither it be teenagers, peers, even myself. But I haven't felt that I was a part of somethign bigger that I didn't innitiate.
Before I offend my dearest most faithful friends let me explain. I have had family who wants to do something, or a friend who wants to go to coffee or catch up on life, but it's just us. If I want to be with a group of people I have to host it- put it together and then hope that people want to show up-- and over the past year or so-- people just havent' wanted to- or they have less and less. That's an indication to me that I am getting away from myself.
Then I started thinking about it. (this all started Maria from your blog about the oscar party- what fun!) I don't even know people around here who do fun stuff. Around here it's work work work-- no time for fun. I guess Ryan and Heidi do fun stuff a lot. But I have friends who live in less crazy speed places and that's what they do-- they are part of community. It's natural.
So-- I am still thinkin about this but I feel as though this was a big awakening. Ryan and I had a good discussion about it. We need to be part of a community- something that we can just be at-- not carry on our shoulders (which right now I feel everything I do I carry the whole thing- if it fails or succeeds it's on me.)
I praise God for this discovery. I am hoping for more reflective insight today. Thanks for your prayers. I love you all and PRAISE GOD FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SUPPORT!! Jeff is coming over to bring me communion and have some prayer with me today. I just wish Ryan could be here too.
M- I will talk to you this weekend. E- I am callin you now. if you are working- call me tonight.
posted by Christy at 10:05 AM
2 Comments:
You are a wonderful person and well on your way to what you want for yourself, but better yet what God has in store for you.
I am hanging on for the ride! :)
Love you bunches!!
you do need to be a part of a community...I hated my town for 4 1/2 years...I was lonely and all I wanted was someone to bring me in, to connect with me. Then I met her in the back of church oneday, when my ds was 2 weeks old and her dd was 2 months old...we hit it off and she introed me to my town. Because of her we changed churches and I love my new church, we have this AMAZING GROUP of women (and men) that I love hanging out with :) I pray that you will find that :)
Post a Comment
<< Home